This Is Your Mom, and You, You Are Not My Baby.
Many women a mother make it on my blog because they googled "I've lost my identity after being a mom." It tin can happen, here are some of the major causes of a stay-at-home-mom identity crisis.
I was riding forth in the automobile the other day listening to the radio when a song came on from high school.
A song I knew every word to.
I didn't particularly love this song, but information technology got me thinking. You know… I used to like music.
I used to know the names of upwardly and coming bands. I bought CDs before they were absurd and I loved listening to music.
I went to concerts.
I danced with friends and strangers.
I had a social life.
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In that moment information technology became clear to me that, forth with music, I've allow get of many other habits and things I used to savour. I swallow out less. I travel less. I see my friends less.
I've seen two movies in the theater in the past year, and both have been cartoons.
It isn't that I don't beloved beingness a mother. I really really exercise. But I'1000 still living in the transition from who I used to be, to who I am now.
So many parts near my life take inverse, and I'yard struggling to take hold of upward with myself.
Read: Relish Beingness A Mother Again With These Stress Relieving Mindsets
Yous retrieve the days…
You watched what you wanted to picket. You ate when you wanted to eat and at the temperature yous wanted to eat it.
You slept when you lot felt tired and stayed upwardly if y'all didn't. You know… you were in control of your own life.
Though yous're however in control of your own life now, things are different. Your desires, motivations, and spontaneous urges don't gene into your conclusion making as much as they used to.
Now, you consider your children's needs equal to or to a higher place your own in the 24-hour interval to day.
This is good and fine and right.
Just it's still a daze to the system.
It withal takes getting used to.
Read: v Signs Yous Might Be A Depressed Mom — And How To Start Feeling Meliorate
Reasons moms lose their identity
I want to mention here (earlier yous send me hate mail service) that these things in themselves are not bad.
They are morally neutral.
It isn't that you're wrong if you practise them, just that their furnishings can have an unanticipated event on you.
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i. Moms lose their identity because their lives revolve around their kids
This is perplexing because – hello – when we have kids our days do revolve effectually them.
However, in that location'south a difference in your daily routine revolving effectually the kids and the entire significant of your life revolving around them. You lot can all the same exist on duty 24/7 and be involved in other things.
Adult bible studies, girls nights, charity work, or service projects with your kids will take you from your iv walls home bubble to a more well-rounded perspective.
I struggle with this equally a mom to many young ones who also writes about raising immature ones.
I take to seek out other things or I go tunnel vision.
Read: How To Live Within Your Limits And Hold Your Boundaries
ii. Moms lose their identity because they stop caring about how they await
I used to take pleasure choosing an outfit, doing my hair, and accessorizing each morning.
I liked it.
Now I'g lucky if I bother to cover my hair in a cap and find matching do tops and bottoms. Some days I exercise, some days I don't.
This is a non-issue for me considering I know information technology'll change with fourth dimension, however…
It does cause me to feel that I'g not the "woman" I used to be. I don't await as put together or bonny as I in one case did. I wait at women with one or two children or all in school and think…
"Wow… her nails match her outfit…"I'grand non crying on my pillow near it, but it does make a difference.
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iii. Moms lose their identity considering they have to boring down (fifty-fifty though they experience more than decorated)
This is a big 1 for many women.
They are used to be and then involved in many things that becoming a female parent can exist difficult. I did a survey in one case and the #1 claiming mothers mentioned was loneliness.
They felt isolated, lone, and bored at domicile when their babies were small.
Having children tin can be a big change for your personality and temperament. This life modify tin can brand you feel like a different person.
Perhaps you lot aren't the life of the party or don't see your friends very often.
While this in itself might non bother you, it will still affect how you see yourself.
Read: The Existent Reason Moms Never Take Plenty Time (Hint: Information technology'south Non Considering They Waste matter It!)
4. Moms lose their identity because their identity revolved around their job.
Some girls dreamed of becoming a mom since babyhood. These moms may discover the transition to motherhood easier. Others discover it more difficult.
Moms who accept given up a fulfilling career to come up home may have symptoms alike to shock.
Even if it'southward your choice to stay at home (and you don't regret it), information technology'south a big change to lose the validation and satisfaction of a job well done.
Especially a task with measurable results. The job may not feel every bit important, and it definitely doesn't pay as well.
But exist encouraged, as the wise lady at my corner store says,"Maternity is unpaid, yet still highly rewarding."
Read: The Stay At Home Mom Schedule That'll Keep You Sane
5. Moms lose their identity because they've lost freedom they in one case had.
This was a big one for me.
As an only child (nascence order does matters) who had traveled extensively, not being able to do "whatever I wanted when I wanted" has been an ongoing struggle.
I have been happy to brand choices that benefit my entire family unit, but information technology has changed the way my life looks in every way. Very little going out, staying upward tardily, or socializing.
Of course, I tin can withal exercise these things with kids, but life has shifted and it's been disconcerting.
6. Moms lose their identity considering they don't go enough sleep.
Prioritizing sleep is a must.
If a female parent and infant are sleep-deprived and overtired, moods become erratic. Emotions remain just under the surface. While the newborn period may be tough to survive, subsequently that things should get easier.
Y'all can encourage your babies to sleep longer and you can even take power naps yourself. Fifty-fifty if y'all have to hire help or merchandise babysitting to have a long nap, information technology is worth it.
In fact, the number one thing that decreases stress is rest.
Yeah, we'll probably all slumber with one ear open forever now that we take others to watch over, but that doesn't mean we need to turn into Mombies.
Read: Everything You Needed To Know Nearly Sleep
How moms can detect their identity again
This isn't difficult or fast, but here are some general ways y'all tin try to stay continued to who y'all are, non just your role.
- Find new ways to connect with friends | Instead of regular nights out or coffee dates, take playdates or monthly book clubs. Instead of restaurants and movies try the park or a local playground.
- Have a hobby | Hither are lx+ hobbies good for the sahm lifestyle, but try to find a hobby you used to love and make time for it. Even if information technology's something more active like hiking, try to fit information technology in even once a quarter. You may think it's impossible, just if yous work hard to arrive happen, it will.
Mom Problem Solving Worksheet
- pinpoint an event
- draw out how it'southward affecting you lot
- label what you don't similar about it
- determine areas of responsibility
- figure out how it'southward showing up
- say what you'd rather happen
- brainstorm solutions
- Finish comparison | This is the "clandestine" to existence content in each flavor. Even then, it'south hard not to look back and forward when times are tough. Past focusing on the things that are fleeting now (chubby infant thighs) y'all'll be less likely to be jealous of former times.
- Get assistance | Whether you need to rent someone, trade babysitting, beg family unit members, or just become to playgroups with helpers… do what you need to do. If yous are a weary and overwhelmed mom, the effects will build upwardly.
- Take care of yourself | Put the baby or toddler in the crib and take a shower. If y'all loved apparel, get dressed up. If you liked having nice pilus, do your hair. Don't neglect the things that used to bring you pride and pleasure, fifty-fifty if no i sees them but the baby, yous'll feel ameliorate.
You volition never have a life like yous did pre-maternity, and that's okay.
But y'all can slowly get-go to detect yourself again.
Your identity isn't lost, it's simply buried nether diapers and onesies.
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Source: https://amotherfarfromhome.com/6-reasons-mom-loses-identity/
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